Sports Rule Bender Gifts

'If life is a game, how come I never get to take foul shots?'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Black hole setting

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Boys Cooking

'I'm sure it's a violation, but I can't find it in the rule book.'

'You're not supposed to jump over the net.'

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

'Never shoot straight up.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'