Sports Rule Bender Gifts

'If life is a game, how come I never get to take foul shots?'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Black hole setting

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

'I'm sure it's a violation, but I can't find it in the rule book.'

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Boys Cooking

'You're not supposed to jump over the net.'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'Golfers rowing a viking longboat.'

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

Fun on the pyramids

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'