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'Tonight's guest is Sid Granger, who s going to talk about a recent trip Down Under...'

Wife woken by husband shooting rabbits from the bedroom window

'Cup match or not, Sir, you'll just have to cancel this afternoon's game . . .'

'Last quarter, Jeremy, you dropped two passes. Could you tell our viewers how you plant to catch this pass?'

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Football Chameleon

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Mixed Doubles.

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Ratminton

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Gary turns 40.

"How should we divide the teams?"

Saving a Heart

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

A day at the transgenic races