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Ladies Football, Cancelled - "I heard their team colours clashed!"

Ballboy! Please wait until the rally ends!

'Bartender! Will you please explain why my gaze has fallen upon a piece of wall not plastered with a blaring high-def TV???'

'The start of the Premiership and the return of Match of the Day - there goes his Aitkins diet....'

'Of course he'll pick you up at the airport, mother. He's got a season ticket so he can go to football any time.'

'At first I decided that Bob should sit out the rest of the game. He twisted his mind... but now I'm thinking - hey, maybe this is an opportunity.'

Scarecrow Goalie

'Let's just all agree not to text while bobsledding anymore.'

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

'Start warming up the lefty.'

'Surely you can miss one bowling night for a peace summit!'

'I represent the Lilliput High School basketball team.'

Roger Federer's Tips for Vacuuming

'Hey, replace your divot.'

"I don't know where his dip in form came from."

Burning the opposition.

No hit field mouse. 'I got it!'

'Have I told you that sometimes I become furious, that I've got a previous conviction for bodily harm and that I hate to lose?'

'You think your game is bad? Yesterday, I missed a conceded putt...'

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

Jack Russell fails to make the cut for a basketball team.

"He's punch drunk and confused."

"Greetings, earthling. We used a complex algorithm to make sure we appeared to humankind in a form you would respect and trust."

I like the Jets...I guess

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."