Spontaneous Diners Gifts

'Surprise us.'

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'Openly sobbing, or non-openly sobbing?'

Sushi Train Spotters

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

'Round-the-world ticket please!' - 'One way?'

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"I'll have the chef."

"We have sparkling and still, but I'll have to ask if we have black."

"To prevent any complaints like "when will our ordered food be served" guests can now follow the work in the kitchen on TV."

"Yes, I'm still working on it."

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

'Make up your mind, M'sieur — a hundred years from now, what difference will it make what you had for lunch today?'

'I'll have the duck ? l'orange, without the duck, of course.'

A single man can be seen through the front window of the "ME Only Restaurant".

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that much of a surprise.'

Pre Opera Dinners

Frank 'n' Steins...beer & bratwurst (chef Frankenstein).

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

I told you not to order the house dressing. Hurg.

"Is that your 'God Bless America' or mine?"

"I'll have what she's having when she decides what she's having."

'Come on, make it snappy I haven't got all day,'

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

'Could I have a look at your childrens menu? It's only my inner child that's hungry!'

Toilet door. Table for one!

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"My therapist recommended this place. It's eclectic without being schizophrenic."

"This next piece is dedicated to all of you walking by too busy to listen to it."

"The chef sends his compliments. He's really surprised that you actually ate it!"

'A sand wedge. A sand wedge, for crying out loud.'