Spoken Word Scientist Pillows

Bio-Genetic Research Lab. When I ask about cloning all I get is double-talk.

"Is it that bad?"

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

The Origins of Everything

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

He doesn't howl at the moon. He prefers to howl into the void.

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'A new musical - Einstein's quest - rehearsal'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Plant Parenthood...

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Isaac Newton and the Apple Tree

'I don't know whether we should call the world pres or keep quiet?'

The Prostate Monologues

Victorious Vaccination Campaign

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."

Sciense. How can biodiversity be decreasing with so many species of Pokemon out there?

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'

Playing dead is easy, but when they ask me to speak, I have to imagine them in their underwear.

Annoucement

Rational explanations

"Is it important for a politician to speak a number of languages?"

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

The Great Chemical Novel.

John Cooper Clarke

'I'm sick of writing grant proposals on spec.'

Lincoln's Gettysburg URL Address

"These beans that Jack planted...can we assume they were genetically modified?"