Spoken Word Scientist Pillows

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

The Origins of Everything

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

Isaac Newton and the Apple Tree

'I don't know whether we should call the world pres or keep quiet?'

Victorious Vaccination Campaign

The Prostate Monologues

"Lately my joints are stiff." "You're rollin' 'em too tight. Try vaping."

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

'Before our principal addresses the faculty, there's something important that has to be said.'

Rational explanations

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

John Cooper Clarke

The Great Chemical Novel.

"Is it important for a politician to speak a number of languages?"

Annoucement

'I'm sick of writing grant proposals on spec.'

"These beans that Jack planted...can we assume they were genetically modified?"

'Isaac Newton, pursuing his study of the laws of motion,, discovers that a thrown ball can curve..."