Spiritual Soccer Supporter Pillows

"I think the vicar's taking things too far."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Fly Football

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

The trauma of losing.

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

Football Chameleon

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Ball as water-melon.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Best save I've ever seen.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

Centaur Forward

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Egyptian Football

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

Watching the football.

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'