Spiritual Soccer Supporter Gifts

"I think the vicar's taking things too far."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Fly Football

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

The trauma of losing.

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

Raheem Sterling

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Best save I've ever seen.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

Ball as water-melon.

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

"All of a dither as per usual!"

Mohamed Salah

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

Centaur Forward

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

Egyptian Football

World Cup Fever

Womens' bras come in football cup sizes.

Watching the football.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'