Spiritual Security Seekers Gifts

'...But in case God misses something...'

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

Tiny Visions

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

Zenemies.

"Needs to get a life"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

My God, I need to fart.

Astral Projection

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"