Spiritual Satirst Pillows

'It's a donut, I'm telling you. Go on, take a bite.'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Lesbians for Christ

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

2pm meet your Creator

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'