Spiritual Quester Gifts

'Why, thank you -- I made it out of a molehill.'

'Ray, I think you may have a winning lottery ticket in the pants you were buried in...'

I'm working on an elixir to raise consciousness, ut I don't know what to call it. "Enlightening in a bottle"!

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Oh! That's the day gig!"

"Good game."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Home depot."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'Oh, crap.'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"All we have left is standing room only."

Astral Projection

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"