Spiritual Laughter Gifts

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"OMG, LOL!"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

Praying mantis.

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

Shoe repair

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

Down with canned laughter.

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'Stick on Souls'

'If your guru business is slow, do what I did. Get a professional website presence on the Internet. That's how you found me, right?'

"Because he didn't even change your name. That's how I know he was talking about you."

'I don't know. I woke up with it after preaching last weeks sermon...'

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

'The meaning of life? -- Do you have a need to know?'

Glenn Beck! First time caller!

'And do you, Larry, promise to love, honor and remember Helene's name?'

'What did I say? NO PANTIES!!'

"And on the 5th day, God's agent negotiated digital content rights..."

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'

'We're a little overcrowded in here, boys- pick a number between one and one hundred.'

'I'm happy for eternity, but I still miss happy hour.'

"St. Peter? He's on vacation. I'm St. Patrick, and I'm filling in. Grab a beer and come on in."

"If you laugh at all of God's jokes, he's never going to learn what's funny."

"Fred's conversational level speaks volumes. When he's losing an argument, he raises the volume."

"I'm praying like Mummy and Daddy. Holy Jesus, my God, Give it to me, I'm in heaven. Don't stop..."

God laughs with you, not at you - unless you pray for something stupid.

"The Hebrews are saying that you're a control freak."

"I tried the old, if you're without sin throw the first stone. Well, figures Jesus was in the crowd."

'You can't take it with you because you'll need an attorney... and they're all below.'

'The halos are there to improve reception.'

"Hey babe, wanna see my third eye?"