Spiritual Critic Pillows

"Go home, you're not part of my target market."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Movies vs. Films

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

The Ten Really Cool Facts

The lunar landing of Appollo 11 is shown as a hoax filmed in a studio.

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'Those are the Divinity students.'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

'Even More Disciples'

"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'