Spiderweb Appreciator Gifts

Extreme Bungy

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

'Oh Hi!'

"Steamed vegetables."

Cat Burglar

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

The Greek Trampoline

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

Russia Money Laundering

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Amateurs."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

Historic Bank Jobs.