Spiderweb Appreciator Gifts

Extreme Bungy

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Who's got the hammer?"

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'Oh Hi!'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Steamed vegetables."

Cat Burglar

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

Don Quixote is Caged (Don Quixote).

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Amateurs."

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

The Greek Trampoline

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

Russia Money Laundering

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise