Spider Phobia Sufferer T-Shirts

"Spider! Kill it! Kill it!"

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

The Amazing Man-Spider

Dinner at the Trapdoors

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

Extreme Bungy

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

'Who wants to be examined first?'

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

Idle parts

'Sure, but will you still love me when I bite off your head and eat it?'

Spider Web Stocking

Jackson Pollock the Spider

'I want you to bring me one.'

OMG UR HOT

'Are we there yet?'

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'Did spiders invent bungee jumping, Dad?'

Spider Press-Ups

"Don't worry - you've got to expect a few midge bites on holiday..."

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

Spider watching his web cam.

'The trick is to label straight away, otherwise I forget what I have in my larder...'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

"Bloody hell, Mavis. . . I was just doing yoga!"

'Rats, we've caught a dung beetle: They taste horrible...'

"I do appreciate that it eats other bugs, but it also ate my husband."

'Dulcifying araneids didn't make them any more sapid.'

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."