Spider Catcher Extraordinaire Gifts

"But darling, I disagree. I think that we do share the important jobs equally. You manage the house and the children and I catch spiders and put the bins out."

The Amazing Man-Spider

Dinner at the Trapdoors

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Extreme Bungy

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

"He's a keeper!"

Idle parts

'Sure, but will you still love me when I bite off your head and eat it?'

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

Spider Web Stocking

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'I want you to bring me one.'

'Are we there yet?'

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

Fishing off Brighton - 'Oh yes! it's very easy to say 'catch hold of him!''

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"Ooh don't stop Bob, the last time you ran your fingers through my hair like this was on our wedding night!"

Fly Tightrope walker

"Of all my husbands I believe the first one tasted the best."

Spider Press-Ups

'Reallly Miss Jones...all this fuss over a silly little spider!'

'Dulcifying araneids didn't make them any more sapid.'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

'Rats, we've caught a dung beetle: They taste horrible...'

'The trick is to label straight away, otherwise I forget what I have in my larder...'

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

God is a spider.