Spicy Storyteller Gifts

"Is there something you want to tell me Gerald?"

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

Tim Burton

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

'How about having at least one character who's alive and wearing clothes?'

'It was a dark and stormy night. Also, there was a Catch-22.'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

Frankenstein's Ancestry

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

"It's the great pumpkin's psychotic uncle Mitch, Charlie Brown."

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

"A homeless person ate my homework."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

"Start with a Spanish doubloon. Those are always good."

Born of the Dead

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

'Try my health brew...1% fat, no cholesterol, high fiber and low sodium.'

"My Mom says that's what happens if you eat too much Halloween candy."

Mrs Jones's fish pie could be smelt for miles around!

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."