Spendthrift Humorist Gifts

'He said the secret to happiness is to accumulate as much money as possible, by any means, and spend it wildly. I can't believe I've been on the right path all along.'

"This is a big day! With this paycheck, I've earned more than $2,000! Of course, I've wildly blown about $1,900 of it on junk."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Budget reaction.

"Well, one good thing about summer...is I work more hours and make a lot more money. The bad thing is...I have a lot more free time to spend it all."

I spent it all under the silly notion that it was all mine.

'You must know my kids...they spend like there's no tomorrow.'

Corporate Head to others at meeting: 'Today is financial Arbor Day. We're going to find some worthwhile charity and plant a money tree.'

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

Budget Opticians.

'We have to move again -- I've worn out all the banks in town.'

"Can I interest you in a ledge fund?"

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

"Please ... let me get a new hair dryer!"

"If the best things in life are free why does it always cost me money to feel good?"

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"I've made a fortune and never used my own money. Hey, can you spare a buck?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

'Ooops, wrong door!'

"You're thirty minutes late. Does that mean I get it for free?"

Your Flexible Fiend.

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

'Bascombe has put all his mutual fund assets into a blind trust, but it was set up so well he can't even locate it.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

Be flamboyant-today living within your means is mucking-up the economy.

"'Less is more' doesn't apply to allowances!"