Speedy Artist T-Shirts

"Yes, you work quickly, but kids expect a bit more detail."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'I wish I was creative'

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

Texturing the Walls

"Sorry - He's changed His mind again. Stripes on the zebra, spots on the giraffe, no stars on the lion and make the elephant bigger and the amoebae smaller."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"Cliff's really devoted to his art. He'll wait hours for someone to take a shot to the groin."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"I didn't have a carrot so I used a fish stick for his nose."

'Oh, no, those aren't the kid's drawings. Dave is taking adult education art class.'

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

"Ok, maybe a surprise party wasn't the best idea."

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

A dog whose nose is a gun.

The Goal Post-Impressionists,

"I see the radiator's Baroque again."

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Pretending To Care

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

"I hope you don't mind but I used a couple of your ugly ties for a tail."

'Hope you don't mind the boxing gloves. I'm no good at hands.'

Non Drip Paint

'Allow me to suck the electricity out.'

Galerie de Commerce: Invoices of the Post-Impressionists