Speedy Comedian T-Shirts

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Extreme miming"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"How should we divide the teams?"

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"While you were out, Mr. Sundberg, the little hand went from the one to the three."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

Trout Game

"Where do you see yourself getting drunk in five years?"

Astronaut plants flag and deflates the moon.

"Your resume looks good, but I'm not seeing any DNA data."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I went into hunting and gathering. And you?'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

Open entrance door to find exit door directly behind it.

Monet At Open Mic Night

'Those two alone should ensure I become a wealthy lawyer.'

'Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs.'

"I don't like the reason why he tore up my resignation letter."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

Company president. Knock and crawl in.