Speeding Sympathizer Pillows

"Nevermind how fast I was going – you made me spill my cereal!!"

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

Runner going through hurdles.

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

'Geoffrey's Tourette's is acting up.'

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

Sling

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

Football Sisyphus

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

'It's completely gutless. With all the money you save on speeding tickets it'll practically pay for itself.'

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."

"Look, honey! All your lost eye glasses have mysteriously migrated to this drawer, and now they're plotting their next escape."

'There it is again...that mysterious feeling that we're clipped from a newspaper and hung on someone's refrigerator.'

"They look pretty angry Bob! We should consider letting them play through..."

'For goodness sake, do it properly! Use your EYES! It's all about the EYES!!'

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

"You rang. . . ?"

"Well, they always say it's the thought that counts!"

Speed Cameras in traffic jams.

"I can't believe I got sick on my preplanned sick day."

"Bummer! Didn`t see that one!"

"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."

"Now you know how I feel!"

Oh, shit. Stuck behind a dog walker.