Speedcubing Champ Gifts

World Championships Tungsten Rubik's Cube

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

A smiling cyclist

"We should have taken the cubicles."

Cleaner playing pool with brush.

Four fishermen catch the same fish.

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

GPS flag in road

"What about your precious opposable thumbs now?"

"You don't need English on every shot."

"You say you want me to do well in school. I thought you'd be more excited that I can burp the alphabet!"

There! What are the posters? Eco club is promoting walking, biking or bussing to school. That's a good way to save gas! I'm so glad you agree! I need a ride to get them to school!

"Explain these 3,674 games of solitaire we found on your office computer?"

'I appreciate you doing the work of two men, Haskell, but Baker and Clayton never did anything either.'

"The latest reports show life expectancy going down for the first time."

"When I finally got my own car, I never drove over the speed limit."

"Thanks for calling the celebration help desk. For assistance with high fives, press one now. For fist bumps, press two, for chest bumps, press three..."

"That's where everyone started getting sick of me."

'How would you have played that last ball?'

'Why don't you put that little black belt thingy to good use, and karate chop me a couple of shelves for the hall closet!'

Motorbike

Yes, I know it's only been three hours - I'm a fast faster!

Man has a lot of unpaid traffic tickets.

Quartet on surfboards

"Mine was the top cubicle of the week."

'Get Davis to do it. He's user friendly.'

"They're padded shorts: yes, your butt looks big."

"Is the German-potato-salad marathon normally this messy?"

Girl on couch considers channel-hopping to be a sport

Rex reverted back to his sea dog ways...

Building a treehouse may be harder than I thought.