Cyclocross Champ Gifts

"They're padded shorts: yes, your butt looks big."

Kids playing ice hockey for a medal.

Bradley Wiggins

Lumberjack:'TIMBERRRR!' Tree:'MURDERERRRR!'

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

'I wonder how many board feet are in this tree.'

"It's been a rainy winter."

"The secret to his success? He's diversified."

"Of course the most important skill they can acquire is the ability to multi-task!"

'I'm appointing myself Vice-President... I need the money.'

'It's our way of keeping the energy bill down!'

"I'm going to knock you on your Axe!!"

You B*****D

"Nope. Looks like we're gonna have to use the saw on this one, too."

'Chainsaw Championships.'

"Were we expecting the Worsteds?"

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

Drug testing for Tour de France.

The First Tattoo

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

'Don't make eye contact Harold, it's another one of those aggressive drivers.'

Horse and Ponies For Sale

'Me? Actually I'm a writer. . . Well, er, at the moment it's mainly job applications.'

'I hate Mondays!'

Curling & curling while curling.

Mom Skills: Psychologist, Doctor, Philosopher, Mathematician, Geneticist, Religious, Negotiator, Baker.

You should cut the cord. I did it years ago. What do you mean? I canceled cable. I get the same stuff I used to see for much less, by streaming Netflix, Hulu and Amazon through a Roku box

A runner on an endless loop

World Championships Tungsten Rubik's Cube

"Sounds like my daughter's back from her karate lesson."

Bicycle race.

All three little pigs played hockey, but only the pig with the hockey stick made of brick made it to the NHL.

Full-Figure Skater

An Artist Until the End.