Speech Improvement Gifts

'Saul Werman, Attorney at Law... I got a call from someone in need of 'wegal wepwesentation?''

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Inclusive speech

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

What's normal?

Dialogue

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

First Word

"A haand gel...!?"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

Dyslexia is no longer a disorder...

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

"Stop squawking. Use your words."

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"