Speech-giving Doggos Pillows

'I must admit that I've come a long way since I first heard the word speak.'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

ONE HORSE TOWN

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Janet, please. I'm calling the vet's office to check their lost and found. That's the last place I saw my nuts."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"You know what the Serengeti lacks?—Decent deserts."

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

Dog and man on couch

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"I'd love to stay and chat but I just heard a silent dog whistle."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."