Speculative Historian Gifts

Just think if that meteor had never hit planet earth 65 million years ago...

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Archimedes statue with a lever

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"All in all, I'd say it's a pretty convincing explication of chaos theory."

"Just in case you want to invest, I've got a great idea for a dot.com startup."

'Right - I'm going to sue the water company!'

'The market dropped sharply on the rumor that new sell off rumors in the financial sector will lead to more widespread rumors...'

"Gentlemen, on my signal, walk ten paces, turn around, and try to remember why you came out here."

Famous Pieces of Paper

Gladstone Gives Disraeli a Bloody Nose over Schleswig-Holstein

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

A caveman attempting to make a cart

Department of Pure Speculation.

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Clearing up medals.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

'I never rule out any negotiating tool!'

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

Bullsheviks.