Spectral Stand-up Gifts

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

Applause

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

Ghostbasters 3

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

Nick Offerman

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

Dara O' Briain

'Now cover the other eye & read the same line.'

Magnifying glass on Oculist's sign.

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

Henry proudly models his new goggles that prevent him from losing a contact lens.

Sit ups.

'Nobody move! I've lost a contact.'

'Thanks for being such a difficult audience.'

Man crashes his car before leaving the driveway because he forgot his glasses.

"The moment you walked through that door, I could tell you needed glasses."

Tommy Cooper's Recycling Facility - Bottle/Glass/Glass/Bottle/Bottle/Glass.

"Why do I think you need glasses, Mr. Jones? For one thing...the chart is over this way!"

"Last week I spent thousands replacing every window in our house...then I discovered a crack in my glasses..."

"And what can I do for you, young lady?"

"Tonight I'll be performing a monologue about where I like to shop, my hair color, and something my mother did that upset me."

The Bicycle 'Ghost'

"Shadow figures on laundry day"