Spectral Stand-up Gifts

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

Applause

"He's gonna be in and out for a while, so we should write something funny on his forehead."

Ghostbasters 3

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'Inside Ralph is a comedienne crying to get out.'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

Nick Offerman

"Come on guys, my jokes aren't that bad!"

'But seriously , folks, I know you're out there, I can hear you bleeding!'

Amy Schumer

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

Now that we've invented language and bipedalism, we can do stand-up comedy!

Dara O' Briain

'Now cover the other eye & read the same line.'

"I'm the owner of Happy Pappy's comedy club. Here's my card. Call me."

Magnifying glass on Oculist's sign.

"You can't go on because you're 'feeling funny'? In your case it's so rare, make the most of it!"

Henry proudly models his new goggles that prevent him from losing a contact lens.

Sit ups.

'Nobody move! I've lost a contact.'

'Thanks for being such a difficult audience.'

Man crashes his car before leaving the driveway because he forgot his glasses.

Cancel Culture and Stand-Up Comedy

"The moment you walked through that door, I could tell you needed glasses."

An attempt at kitchen cabinet stand-up comedy. Dinner is on me tonight!

"Why do I think you need glasses, Mr. Jones? For one thing...the chart is over this way!"

Tommy Cooper's Recycling Facility - Bottle/Glass/Glass/Bottle/Bottle/Glass.

"Last week I spent thousands replacing every window in our house...then I discovered a crack in my glasses..."

The Bicycle 'Ghost'

Comedy Club. Military Open Mic Night. Some of those performers failed. The pilot didn't get a single laugh. The Air Force bomber! And the enlisted man was tasteless. Private first class! The Green Beret totally flubbed his lines, but the Navy Seal did some great slapstick. Special ops and special farces! I think the boot camp instructor was the best of the night. He was very witty and whimsical. The Marine droll sergeant!

"Shadow figures on laundry day"

"How did the marathon go?"