Spectacle Saver Pillows

"You see spots in front of you? Have you cleaned your glasses lately?"

"What the... mine are lunar eclipse glasses!"

Noise Pollution

Global warming causes widespread flooding, but fortunately scientists were able to locate the giant plug on the ocean floor.

"Well, of course it's plastic!"

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Coastguard

'Oh - It's you.'

From trash to treasure

Cash Rebate

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

Seminars for Sycophants

Gentleman wanting to know exactly how much he owes his butler

Alas poor Yorrick

Daylight saving

'Must you get new clothes every season? I'm still wearing stuff I got years ago.'

Two children walking on the beach and carrying their sand buckets. One says, 'I'll trade you two tar balls for a syringe.'

'This is a teeny. Do you have it in a weeny?'

Man reads subliminal message during eye test.

Actually, I was looking for a tax haven.

"Why do I think you need glasses, Mr. Jones? For one thing...the chart is over this way!"

"Hey! This is my seat! I sit at the front every year!"

'Now we know why they call this the SNUG!'

Blue screen of death

'Adjustment of your picture is necessary - call your repairman.'

"And what can I do for you, young lady?"

'As long as they're being fished to extinction, we might as well be the ones to do it.'

Middle Age: When a man turns out the light sfor economic reasons rather than for romantic ones!

"You may have gotten huge saving on our phone service, Johnson, but this isn't AT&T!"

'Give my teacher an apple? Grandma, I can't afford a computer!'

'My new glasses are going to be expensive, aren't they?'

"Throwing a plastic bottle into the sea is very bad for the environment, you know!"