Spectacle Aficionado Gifts

"You really need bifocals. Then you can read the fine print and see the big picture, too."

'What do you mean you can't read the top line?.'

'I can't read a thing. You're holding the card much too close.'

"I'm sorry I didn't find your wallet but I found six pairs of reading glasses!"

"These high-tech glasses are awesome! They make you look cool instead of a computer geek."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

Papageno from The Magic Flute

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

Senta jumps into the sea

"It's a play on words."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Hugh fans!"

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"My God!! - Those actors must all be really old by now...!"

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

Fourth Tableau of Das Rheingold

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

"A haand gel...!?"

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'Hello, I'm your understudy.'

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"No. I don't want to see an all-male production of 'Little Women.' "

Doctor Bartolo

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

Royal Love

'Want to make some big money, William? A publisher wants you to write a page-turner.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

Stabbing an opera singer to hit the high notes.