Sparkling Sympathizer Pillows

"The champagne aisle always makes me cry. Just look at all this imprisoned happiness!"

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

Disco Bunny.

'It's more festive-looking!'

"Wait, you never wash your cape?"

God in the bunker.

You just keep giving.

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Delivery."

No need for you to read this. You seem to have got it to a fine art.

"It's a pizza leaflet..."

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

"I could probably keep spring-cleaning till next winter."

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

"I'm not saying you have to give them up entirely, but you need to eat your young in moderation."

Champagne Tasting.

Cut out and keep your own Cleaner.

'Whoa! Really? You offer a full refund on any engagement ring for up to two years?! Very cool!'

"There you are!"

'If you can hear me, Larry Gligstein, please send a text to 555-703-7193

"And these are diamonté—a girl's closest acquaintance."

"I hurt a lot of people during my last twelve steps."

Dancing in tailcoats

Look at that getup! What's the matter with it? It only serves to attract attention. But without flashy sparkletarts, life would be boring! You say that like it's a bad thing! "Boring" - The new "bodacious."

The Downside Of Being Superman, The Man Of Steel

"I bedazzled my boobs for your birthday." "Ohhh. Myyyy."

Two women in jeweled dresses

"It connects to the internet and sparkles like a ring...it's the iBling."

Merrily covering everything in glitter...

"What makes him a wine snob? He's been talking about the cork for 45 minutes and he thinks we're still listening."

"He took an Alka-Seltzer and now he thinks he’s sparkling."

Seltzer paste.

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

"Prosecco-ho-ho?"

'I can't find my glasses!' 'I can't find my mobile phone!'