Space Ponderer Gifts

"When you add up how much it costs for fuel, supplies, and getting a sitter, it doesn't seem worth it to invade Earth."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'But what is the universe for?'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

God Sneezes Out Creation

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

The Origins of Everything

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"Shall we put it in play?"

"If the universe is expanding, that's all the more reason to get back to the city."

"I don't see HIS name on it."

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

The Apple Picker Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree....

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

'Scientists agree the universe is expanding - Mendenhall is trying to find out where the financing is coming from.'

'Remember when the authorities were notified when we were spotted? Now nobody cares. They think we're drones.'

"If the universe is expanding by 3 trillion cubic light years per second, why can't I find an apartment?"

'Who was there to hear the Big Bang?'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'Harnessing the Black Hole.'

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'

Of course I believe your 'Alien Abduction' story...

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

Planetary Science. What do we call the study of gas giants in space? Gastronomy.