Space Ponderer Pillows

"When you add up how much it costs for fuel, supplies, and getting a sitter, it doesn't seem worth it to invade Earth."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

'But what is the universe for?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

God Sneezes Out Creation

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

The Origins of Everything

"What's your favorite planet, Randy?" "There is only one answer, little buddy. There is only one planet full of lush, green forests and beautiful, windswept ocean vista... all of which are natural aphrodisiacs that inspire lovers, philosophers and poets." "You know, Pandora is not a real planet." "I'm talking about Earth, you... Do you ever go outside?"

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

NASA, 'I thought I smelled oxygen!'

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"If the universe is expanding, that's all the more reason to get back to the city."

"Shall we put it in play?"

"OK, now what's the meaning of the other eight?"

The Apple Picker Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree....

"I don't see HIS name on it."

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

'Scientists agree the universe is expanding - Mendenhall is trying to find out where the financing is coming from.'

'Remember when the authorities were notified when we were spotted? Now nobody cares. They think we're drones.'

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'

"Apparently, over two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water!"

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'Who was there to hear the Big Bang?'

Formula.

'Harnessing the Black Hole.'

Of course I believe your 'Alien Abduction' story...

"This just in; the Sun has exploded. Further developments in eight minutes."

"If the universe is expanding by 3 trillion cubic light years per second, why can't I find an apartment?"