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'You look like an intelligent being -- how would you like to subscribe to the Galactic Enquirer?'

"Sir, a bunch of bald-headed, castrated humanoids wearing Nikes just materialised with their luggage back there."

"I've always wondered, do light years have half the calories of regular years?"

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"You are here"

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

While playing fetch, Beasle inadvertently set back interplanetary relations for millennia.

'That must be the guy from corporate.'

'Aye, but can you guys get 500 channels with those hooks?'

'Recalculating!'

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'Sometimes I think my wife's on another planet.'

Soon The Moon Will Have Cellphone Reception Better Than That One Part Of Your Commute

Subpoena-of-the-Month Club

'This new star sends out periodic pulses in a very appealing rhythm -- I think I'll name it 'Bossa Nova.''

'I think I finally spotted a star between the spy satellites.'

"You two stop fighting...don't make me come back there!"

Kirks & Tacos

"Nope. Still no intelligent life."

A workman ponders a bolt on a track

"I subscribed to a collector's magazine! It has great interviews with big-time collectors who buy the world's rarest treasures."

First space criminal investigation

'Well yes, they sent me into space: But to be perfectly honest, I had no idea as to what was going on...'

Spaceman serving shrimp.

'What's the area code up here?'

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

'Your OTHER left, dummy!'

"Move along, people, there's nothing to see here."

You are here.

"The president has banned the Mexican wave and replaced it with the American wave... Also, empanadas will now only use American jumping-beans."

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"Wait until that cat climbs another tree."