Space Invader Strategist Gifts

'This is the worst video game ever! You try to stop space invaders by passing stronger immigration laws.'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'I suppose you'll use this as an excuse for turning in your homework in late again.'

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

A man looks up at the earth

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

"Take me to your thought leader."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

For the musician strapped for space...the Murphy piano.

Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North

'Take me to your weeder!'

Murphy's Bed meets Murphy's Law.

Oh, we don't invade planets anymore --- Now we just hack into databases.

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

"I'm afraid there will be more cuts."

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"Have you figured out what the powers of that new super hero will be? How about the power to meet deadlines? That would be a good power?"

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

'You won't lose any more money. We're the first fund with a GPS tracking system.'

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

"Phew! I narrowly avoided a near miss!"

"Well, right now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable."

"To save money, all you need to do is pack all those clothes into this suitcase. Be sure to leave room for my shoes."

Darn it, you're touching my half of the love seat again.