Spa Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I'm just worried the knots are the only thing holding me together."

"You're carrying a lot of pretension in your back."

'This won't hurt.'

Who knew this place had a hot tub.

"Man, this is just the perfect temperature!"

"I'm afraid the niceties of our underwater massage must remain a trade secret."

'I always use lots of oil when I give a massage...oops!'

"They've sold out of massages, dear, but I've booked us a romantic couples' colonoscopy."

'...but on the bright side...can't you just feel your pores opening?'

'It would seem that grooming one another is very important in maintaining social order.'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'Slices Mandy! Just slices!'

Fish Pedicure

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'Hydrotherapy and a massage... now THAT'S what I call a great spa!'

'I've been wallowing in mud my whole life and look at me.'

'Oh, thank god, a hot tub... My back is literally killing me.'

Beauty treatment for Paramecium

Colonic irrigation: Cancelled due to hosepipe ban.

'I hoped retirement would look like this.'

Spa

At The Turkish Bath

'Okay, so you didn't lose any weight at our spa - at least you're well marbled.'

"Too hard?"

Spa day

I was at the beauty parlour for four hours...and that was just for the quote!

The Chameleon Spa

Health spa...

Brow Threading

"Is this endless whining about my love life too much?"

'The Dockland Spirits came with the Jacuzzi.'

It was an expensive treatment, but it feels so good to be barnacle-free...

"Hi chums, I'll try anything once."

"She'll try a bit of everything please."

"I'd like the mud and the hot rocks therapy. Tell me more about this slingshot treatment."