Spa Day Planner T-Shirts

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

Leave your troubles in the bubbles

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Steamed Room: "Man, I feel so much lighter."

Woman at spa having bath in a Martini cocktail glass.

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

Loofah Lady

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

"Ernie's full service salon and day spa."

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Take a break, Archimedes. A nice soak in the bath will work wonders.

Complete Makeover

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

"Hey - I'd write a book, too, if I could find the time."

Being Pampered.

"I just finished a 10-day cleanse. Now it's time to retox."

Odd Spas

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"Getting a Brazilian has been nothing like I expected."

Massage parlour offering therapeutic, Swedish, and ego massages.

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

Foot Massage

"She massages egos."

The label on the bottle did say 'natural and organic ingredients', but THIS could not be right.

'Soak too long in the tub, dear?'

"Looks like Mom is practicing getting her mask ready for Halloween tomorrow."

'We can remove the hair from your back. Yes, your husband's back, too!'

Health spa workers desk tray: In / Chill out.

"I hope he doesn't hear me sizzling."

Clock in, Clock out.

'My best client? You must be kidding. When she comes I work like for four people but I only receive one person's tips.'