Sourdough Disciple Pillows

Moses on the web

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Baking

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

God's Phone

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"I have an app for that."

"Only three hundred and sixty-seven followers? Maria's not an asset to the abbey."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

"Not while they're making artisanal bread."

"Look lively crew, lest we be dashed upon these scrumptious shores."

I bake my own bread.

"Teddy, you call this a 'clean room'?"

"How are we on bread?"

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Follow God On Twitter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

The Remote Olympics

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

Way too much anthropomorphising

'We beseech thee oh Lord, tweet us they word.'

Baker

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

"When are you going to make the sort of bread my mother makes?"

You Have 1 New Messages

'Our church funds seem to be in the computer cloud of unknowing.'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

"OMG! 12 followers already...this thing could go viral."