Soup Cynic Pillows

'This tastes like dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'The customer is always right...'

Obama builds own gallows.

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'What you need is some negative growth.'

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"I'm sorry to say your husband took so many antioxidants, he suffocated."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

'You've got me. Is it animal, vegetable or minestrone?'

'French onion soup. Hold the soup.'

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

Hospital food. Because you're just not sick enough.

If Kitschy Film Dialogues Were Really Realistic. . .

'Two beef and pork by-products and a turkey dog, please!'

'-and not only was my soup COLD - but the fly in it had frostbite!'

"Of course your data isn't really in a cloud. That's almost as silly as thinking your money is actually in this bank."

Recipes from The I-Seriously-Don't-Care Cookbook.

"It's sugar, fat, gluten and lactose free...They say it will help you live longer."

'Horsemeat in pies, eh, sir, who can you trust nowadays?'

Severe Food Criticism.

"Dinner is on the table. Just not prepared."

We value your privacy. . . . . yeah, right.

Just Say No to Chicken Soup

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."

"Families depress me."

"Yeah, you're right, these can cause long term health issues. But trust me, for you that's not gonna be a problem."

'I like to keep up-to-date with the movies I'll be hating next year.'

"Excuse me. Waiter. There's no fly in my soup."