Soundscaper Prints

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Smartphone Sonogram

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

"Congratulations, it looks like half a dozen."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

"That's O.K., Dad. I think I'll do with the ambient waterfall sounds tonight."

The producer of the nature sounds albums tries to organize a world tour.'

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

Boy walking with headphones in shape of musical note.

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

"The ultrasound showed it wasn't a pearl, but I am pregnant."

'It's a duet yourself project.'

Gramophone Headphone

'Whom should I call first? 911 or the audio technician?'

'Another advantage is the humming and whirring, which is so much more plasant than chalk screeching on a blackboard.'

Rational explanations

"@BabyEthan just endorsed you for the skill: Obstetric Sonography."

"You can subscribe to 'Ocean Sounds' for the low, low monthly price of...."

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

Ear Bud Hijacking

An obstacle course for musicians,

"I figured out how to make Sebastian's purr into my new ringtone!"

Legends of Hold Music

Conductor and waterfall

Musical Rain

Evangelist with tuba

Don't you just love the sound of recycled water on the roof?

Noise: An Overview.