Soundscaper T-Shirts

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Smartphone Sonogram

Don't you wish you worked in an office sometimes? No! Tree's Tree Nursery. There's nothing here to listen to. Are you kidding. Whoosh. Crack. Rustle. Thwump. Caw. Yes, but there's no ironic commentary. Are you kidding?

Sonographer and pregnant couple looking at images of the fetus on a screen with options to share the image on various social media platforms

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

"Congratulations, it looks like half a dozen."

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

The producer of the nature sounds albums tries to organize a world tour.'

"That's O.K., Dad. I think I'll do with the ambient waterfall sounds tonight."

Boy walking with headphones in shape of musical note.

"The ultrasound showed it wasn't a pearl, but I am pregnant."

"Please note nurse: healthy baby, next appointment in two weeks..."

Rational explanations

'It's a duet yourself project.'

'Another advantage is the humming and whirring, which is so much more plasant than chalk screeching on a blackboard.'

'Whom should I call first? 911 or the audio technician?'

Gramophone Headphone

"@BabyEthan just endorsed you for the skill: Obstetric Sonography."

"You can subscribe to 'Ocean Sounds' for the low, low monthly price of...."

Legends of Hold Music

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

"I figured out how to make Sebastian's purr into my new ringtone!"

An obstacle course for musicians,

Ear Bud Hijacking

Musical Rain

Conductor and waterfall

Where we Get Muzak...

Evangelist with tuba

I love the sound of rain on my roof!

Noise: An Overview.

"Press one for a gurgle. Two for a whoosh or three for a splish splosh."