Sound Scientist Gifts

Rational explanations

'I got rid of those funny little spots in front of my eyes. Now what's bugging me is a buzzing noise in my ears, like somebody sawing logs.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

'Why don't you ever look at ME that way?'

'Office Woofers. For the quiet and obnoxious boss.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

Jazz is Invented

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Artist and Musician

Boy serenading a girl with a large amplifiers and speakers.

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

'From albums to 8-tracks to cassettes to CD's...What a long, loud trip it's been!'

'What luck! A sound technician.'

"Did you notice how the cables never get tangled!"

'He likes a room where he can reverberate.'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

Subwoofer

E=Emcee Squared

"Just play the hit single, then you can do the experimental track."

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'Of course we've got Marshall amps Jim! Only the best up here.'

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

'So you still can't get a sound engineer then?'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

"My Aunt Agatha – feminist, civil rights activist, philanthropist, sound engineer for 'Cheap Trick at Budokan.'"

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

Sir Patrick Moore.

"No, I'm still getting too much banjo."

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

No Instruments Please