Sound Engineer Gifts

World's Most Obscure Christmas Songs

Piano concerto for the deaf.

Goldilocks drives an audio tech insane.

When Rock Bands Comply with Health and Safety Rules.

'Uh-oh, here comes the mike again. Cut the barbershop quartet and go back to mournful whistling.'

'My bike is so loud I couldn't hear my tunes.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, Mac, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'The bass has shattered the windows in all my neigbor's homes. They hate me, but they like my car.'

'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'

'Time of death: Two forty five pm. Cause of death: Surround Sound System.'

'The acoustics in here are fantastic!'

"I think I'm going to fall! Will one of you please make a note of the sound in case anyone every asks?"

Tambourine.

The Beat

Band Aid-style rock stars wear T-shirts that read : 'Feed my ego'.

'Thanks to the billion dollar engine, this keyboard can store up to 14 songs.'

Soft Speaker, Loud Speaker, Deafening Speaker

'The acoustics in here are terrible!' (two warped acoustic guitars).

'It's carpal tunnel syndrome. You're going to have to quit your job working the bleep button for the Jerry Springer show.'

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'And then for this scene of the great coconut march, we'll just record a bunch of horses.'

'We're all having to work harder in the music business now.' (Dog stressed as he listens to four gramophones.)

Actors and foley artist in radio studio.

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

"Everyone, welcome our new Vice President of Irritating Noises!"

Born to be a Sound Engineer.

'Access to the kids? No. I want access to the audio equipment.'

"You'll really like this next song. I wrote it specifically to be a ring tone!"

"Wow, …. who does your voice-overs?"

Broom Operators Deserve Better

Muzak's Top 10

'Why don't you ever look at ME that way?'

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

Don't forget to switch off your cellphones.