Soulful Satire Pillows

"You're too late. I already sold it on e-bay."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

Lesbians for Christ

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

"No it's fine, really. I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

Gore Vidal

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

Hook them with a crisis.

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

Special Place in Hell...

"I think that before we put the flat on AirBnb we should have moved out."

"I talked Vladi into skipping the transition to democracy in his country and just shooting straight over here with me."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

Hudson River Crouton

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

The devil's profits.

'Welcome aboard Todd. Let me introduce you to the rest of the crew.'