Soulful Satire Pillows

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Not enough money is being spent on safety, so be careful."

Lesbians for Christ

"Wow, these are great cartoons! We have to let them go, and anyway, cartoonists are on the endangered species list..."

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"No it's fine, really. I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

"Sure, you can use the bathroom. But, you have to put your request in writing and send three copies to the personnel department."

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. . ."

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

"I talked Vladi into skipping the transition to democracy in his country and just shooting straight over here with me."

Special Place in Hell...

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"I think that before we put the flat on AirBnb we should have moved out."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

Hook them with a crisis.

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Hudson River Crouton

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

The devil's profits.

"Is there anybody there?"

'Welcome aboard Todd. Let me introduce you to the rest of the crew.'