Song Selector T-Shirts

'and for my 12,307 choice I'd have the live extended version of...'

Desert Island Downloads

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

Birds with Headphones

'You called me out of the blue... Cobalt, ultramarine, prussian, cerulean or phthalocyanine?'

Musical genres

"Brat"

"I've downsized."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

'Well, one of us in wrong.'

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

Old MacDonald had a startup.

'Good boy. That's better than the others, but still too long. For playing fetch, I prefer a shorter stick, shaped like that, without bark or moss, and not quite as heavy.'

'Can I choose which brick you name after me?'

"Our top story: People all over the world have stopped fighting, and will join together in a chorus of peace and love! This just in: Fighting erupts over what song to sing."

"That's cute, but you'll never realize your phone's ringing in here if your ringtone's a belch."

"What you've been coughing up - is it more of a 'Misty Green' or an 'Heirloom Sage'?"

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

Rudy, Must you keep singing that song...' children in the morning...children in the evening...children at suppertime?

'What's it to be? An overbearing chef, an overbearing interior designer, or an overbearing gardener?'

It was cute when my digital assistant played "Bye Bye Birdie" after I asked for help with a pesky bird. But it was just snarky playing the theme from "Mission: Impossible" when I asked for guidance on reducing my debt.

Young Man, there's no need to feel down..

If you kids can't do your chores, you can't be online. We're researching! No work, no screens. Unfair! You asked us. I did not ask you to cruise electronics sites all day. But, mom! You said you wanted our Christmas lists! It's a chore to pick the best Smart Phone.

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

'Good gracious, NO! He would clash horribly with my Chintz three piece suite!'

"Good grief Betty, that's just the sort of pace the Test Selectors are looking for."

Beggar on street 'Ex-England opener bugged about by the selectors, please help'

'How do these glasses feel?'

'Trust me, it's just a stupid song: Of course you can smile at a crocodile...'

The song, 'Home On The Range', they don't mention the wind.'

'Any chance you could block out the home shopping network.'

" "I decided my life needs a soundtrack. So I programmed my phone to play specific tunes whenever certain people are nearby."