Sommelier Gifts

Creation of Red Wine

"And don't try to pull the old 'good wine steward, bad wine steward' routine."

"This martini in canonical."

"O.K., Everybody. Stand back! Let it breathe."

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'Simple rule of thumb; if it tries to eat us, serve with red. If it runs away from us, a white.'

"This brand has a clean balance sheet, a lively marketing plan with tasteful notes of originality, and a strong fiscal-year finish."

"That will be perfect. We have a lot to talk about."

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

The wine and water lists.

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Don't tell me, I know this one. Is it wine?'

'Perhaps Madam would prefer something less robust.'

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"Is this the wine you selected at random?"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

Sheep with wine - Mutton Cadet

"Try our Austrian wines."

"Do you have any California wines that support same-sex marriage?

'One develops a nose...'

'Don't bring me anything younger than my liver.'

"Excellent, but not fit for a king."

'This Pinot Grigio reminds me of Miami Beach - they're both close to water.'

'Excellent cork, go ahead and pour.'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Pretty label... shiny bottle... I'll take it!"

Winery tours.

"Can you recommend a wine that goes well with red meat, Zanex, and Lipitor?"

Corkscrew

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

"Drinking? Who's drinking? I'm antioxidizing."

'This is an unpretentious little wine. Unlike the artist.'