Sommelier In Training Gifts

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"I wasn't sure if the wine was breathing, so I've been giving it mouth to mouth."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"I make it myself!"

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'