Solo Shopper Gifts

Not in the mood for human interaction line

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'She's so put together!'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

"Everything's gone up."

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

Your Entire Life Delivered To Your Door!

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

"What's the cheapest thing we can order and still get a box?"

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

Fashion Mistake.

'Cool, a wheel. Now you can take me shopping.'

It was an impulse buy.

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"My Doordash driver is at the front gate."

"You went to Barneys without me? You slut!"

Guilty Pleasures

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."