Solo Shopper Gifts

Not in the mood for human interaction line

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'She's so put together!'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

"Everything's gone up."

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

Your Entire Life Delivered To Your Door!

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

"We're on our way to the mall to do some off-line shopping."

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

"What's the cheapest thing we can order and still get a box?"

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

Fashion Mistake.

You Shouldn't Have

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

'Cool, a wheel. Now you can take me shopping.'

It was an impulse buy.

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."

Our grocery carts are genetically modified.

Self Magazine,

"My Doordash driver is at the front gate."