Solitary Shopper Gifts

"That's it?"

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'She's so put together!'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

"Everything's gone up."

"Perhaps a cozy scarf to go with the hat?"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'She's on the trail of a pair of Jimmy Choo's.'

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'Do you have any relaxed fit jeans that aren't quite so relaxed?'

"Delivery."

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

Fashion Mistake.

'I went to see a personal shopper this afternoon. . . I thought I'd surprise you!'

'Cool, a wheel. Now you can take me shopping.'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Vicar absent from church due to car boot sale.

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

It was an impulse buy.

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

Seven deadly sins store

Self Magazine,

Guilty Pleasures

"You went to Barneys without me? You slut!"

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."