Soil Investigator Gifts

"For the second night in a row, someone has mysteriously added soil to my vegetable patch - the plot thickens!"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

"Bob! Your manure's here!"

"It says here that people can't live without soil. I knew it!"

'That plant food really works!'

Garden Shop: Top Soil. Bottom Soil.

Planting veggies

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

"I say we settle around here, there's no chemical aftertaste to the soil: Must be an organic farmer..."

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

'I know that's what your father calls it, Sweetheart...but a nicer word for it is fertilizer!'

'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'

'Now that's what I call soil conservation.'

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

Trumpled

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

User friendly soil.

'He may have green fingers, but he's got dirty finger nails!'

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

'Boy this is a great garden: You can taste the natural compost and fertilizer...'

"Poppy has left the dog kennel. I repeat Poppy has left the dog kennel...Yes, yes, we have a code brown!"

I'm looking for a job?

Earthly Delights Garden Centre

'Try to relax, Ed. It's a beach, not sandy soil.'

Worm Appreciation Society!

We built your beds, planted, mulched and set up your watering system. Nice work! Here's your check. Thanks! I love gardening. Me, too!

'I think we found the spot where you spilled the fertilizer.'

'So aunt Lois I hear you've developed quite a green thumb.'

Insect Evolution Research Lab. Eureka! I've found the root of all weevils!

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

'I find that an hour in the compost pile provides my minimum daily requirement of everything.'