Socially Clever Pillows

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"So, what do you do for play?"

Online Dating

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

Victorian Selfie

"#BeCurious"

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"I already have the perfect hashtag!"

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"I sense a lot more going on with you than 'house-husband."

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

'Now that we've evolved, we should work on our people skills.'

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"I know - it takes skill to sneak a peek at their tiny tags when you can't remember their names."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."

"How'd I find you? I followed you on Twitter."

"Wouldn't it have been easier just to tweet those?"

"I think it’s time we started holding other kids’ hands."

"And a final note: Perception officially become reality."

"He'll see you now, but I should warn you � he secretly despises you."

Statue of Christopher Columbus

Pole vaulter uses his pole as a selfie stick while he gets ready to jump.

"There she is! Don’t be nervous. Just be yourself, walk over there and sniff her."

"This one? This one? Listen, make up your mind, or I;m picking out a flea for you."

"I can't tell if these are vacation pictures or influencer shots." "Is there really a difference?"

Ouija Bored

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I'm on Facebook, dear. Do we want to friend this revolution?"

Yeah, I do the same thing – sniff their posts but never contribute. Dog lurkers.

"Stimulating this area of the brain will enable the patient to think of all the clever things he wished he had said."

"Come on Hugh, you know you have to wallow in the mud hole before sitting down at the table."

"Emojis fail me."