Social Security Strategist Pillows

"No, son, I don't know what decisions will be made about your social security. Good night."

"So many are retiring - we're seeing if there's enough here."

"This says the median age for Hispanics in the United States is 27...the median age for all the other groups is much higher."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

“They tease us for going together, but little do they know this is where we gather to plan the dismantling of the patriarchy.”

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Investing your savings

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

401K

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

"The time has come for some tough cost-cutting decisions, and I'm forced to ask myself, do we really need a bass?"

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

Pre-Old Blues

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

'Are you two friends?' - 'No, we just hate the same people.'